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The Dumbest Criminals of 2016



1. Pittsburgh’s Dumbest Robber

Police say 36-year-old Anthony Heard robbed a CoGo’s around 2:30 am and later returned to buy something wearing the same hat and shoes as officers interviewed the victimized clerk.


2.Before The Confetti Settles


3.  Want to be Wanted

The most recent perp to realize that cops use Facebook is Mack Yearwood, 42, who ignored a relative’s advice and uploaded his Citrus County, Fla., wanted poster for his Facebook profile picture, thus energizing deputies who, until then, had no leads on his whereabouts. He was caught a day later and faces a battery complaint and several open arrest warrants.


4. Sharp Reply

A teenager on the run from police in Australia asked a TV station to use a “better photo” of her when reporting her escape. Police issued a statement and photographs they had taken of her. But when the pictures were uploaded to Sydney’s 7 News Facebook page, unhappy with how she looked in the police mugshots Sharp uploaded a more flattering shot in the comments section of the page with a request to use the supplied shot.


5. Killing Two Birds With One Court Appearance 

Authorities say an Allegheny County tried to sell drugs in a Pittsburgh traffic court.

Officials say 35-year-old Christopher Durkin spoke to a man in court after he appeared Monday to face charges of driving under suspension. A deputy told Durkin to leave.

The other man told deputies Durkin attempted to sell him Suboxone pills.

Deputies searched Durkin and he was charged with possession of a controlled substance and possession with intent to deliver.

Copyright 2016 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.


6. Phallic Intent

Man Nicknamed “Dickface Johnson” Screams “I Will Beat Every Cop’s Ass,” Tries to Punch Cop

Things have clearly been hard for “Dickface Johnson” for a very long time. He either started calling himself “Dickface,” which must have taken forever to stick, or someone else started calling him that, which transforms this into a sad tale of childhood bullying gone awry.

When cops arrested Jeffrey Poole, age 37, after getting called to a Largo home for an apparent domestic disturbance. Poole allegedly responded by storming the front door, shouting, “I will beat every cop’s ass!” and rearing back to take a swing at an officer. Poole was arrested. (As to whether he was on drugs at the time, the cops checked off a box that said “unknown.”)


dfjpHe was charged with assault on a law enforcement officer.

But sometime during his apprehension, it appears Poole claimed his main alias was “Dickface Johnson.” (We were betting on “Sideburns McGee.”) The arrest report doesn’t say why or how he gave cops the alias, so allow us to speculate:

“No, sir,” we imagine he said. “Jeffrey is my given name. Please, call me Dickface.”


7. Stoned Drug Traffickers

They say smoking marijuana can make you paranoid. That can literally be the only explanation for what happened to a pair of criminal masterminds who were transporting 20 pounds of pot from Nevada to Bozeman, MT when they called 911 to admit to their crimes.


Copyright © 2016 The New Zealand Herald. All rights reserved.
© Copyright © 2016 Miami New Times, All rights reserved.

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