By Brett Gillin
A tradition for millions of families across the United States, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade brings countless smiles and officially ushers in the Christmas season every year. Once in a while, however, a balloon floats by that is… well… a little off. This is a collection of the worst Thanksgiving Day Parade floats from years past.
1: If you have to call the fire department after a terrible kitchen mishap, pray that this obese guy doesn’t show up.
2: This version of Pinocchio shouldn’t be worrying about telling white lies as much as he should get that horrifying growth on his face checked out by a doctor.
3: If you’re not scared of clowns already, the sight of this monstrosity floating down the street is sure to help you develop a serious phobia.
4: I don’t mean to alarm you officer, but I think the perp is right behind you, floating menacingly around that building.
5: We’ve figured out why you don’t see pilgrims anymore: according to this balloon, they were hideously disfigured, four fingered, overweight maniacs who liked wearing ballerina flats.
6: This float, from a Thanksgiving Parade in Detroit, shows you exactly why we don’t televise Thanksgiving Parades from Detroit.
7: We’re told this is Mighty Mouse, but it looks like he’s been spending a little too much time being inflated, and not enough time trying to actually look like a recognizable character.
8: Uncle Sam: We Want You… to relax a little bit. No one should have posture that good.
9: Want to clear the streets at the end of the parade? Simple: just float one of these beasts and watch the people flee in abject terror.
10: A giant lizard terrorizes downtown New York. It’s not the latest Godzilla film; it’s Barney, the lovable purple dinosaur, who in this video has shattered happy many childhood memories. All this video is missing is an “Oh the Humanity!” voiceover.